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darkchris66
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Name: Chris
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Metro: Chicago
Birthday: 11/19/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: Write poetry (mostly romance, friendships, and descriptive poetry) and write short stories (romance, horror, adventure, and short),hang out with friends and talk to them, play video games alot and use the computer alot, I also like meeting new people and getting to know them.
Expertise: Photography, Computer (software and hardware), Photoshopping, Graphic Design, Poetry, and psychology
Occupation: Student
Industry: Computers (Software)
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
MSN: sayianchris30@hotmail.com
AIM:  supersayianchris
Yahoo:  dark_chris999@yahoo.com
Member Since:
8/1/2003
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| When Abbi told me the complete story of Joven, I had begun to understand a lil. And when Joven told me about his input on it, I understood the circle.
When I went out with her and things happened (described in my previous entry), I understood the full circle -
Religion brings happiness and unhappiness. In the case that happened, it brought unhappiness and a the limitations that we place on our selves to get that happiness that we want.
Not only on ourselves, but what our parents expect from us, even if they say so, we still do it in either fear or of reasons that connections will not be as coherient anymore.
Because of my relationship and Abbi's relationship, it was both broken apart because of religion.
The religion caused unhappiness for once in both of our lives.
Everyone believes, "Oh religion is shit." Well, go fuck yourself first off. Second, it brings a mutual understanding with a large majority of people who believe in something than those who belive in nothing.
Anyways, anyone who says, "But, we gotta be the same religion". Come on now, where theres a will, there is a way. There is always a way.
Take in a case in which my two friends, one is catholic, and the other muslim. Their parents don't agree but they don't care cause they are grown up and they are deeply in love and plan to marry either way and plan to keep their religions
the same. Its all about mutual understand of how people are and some people's traits and personalities are rooted. Some cases, the religion is part of their root. You can't always change it and if it is changeable, then its either not a rooted part and just a branch or something heavy has alterated something in their life.
Joven would not change, but he would understand it. He didn't change because its his belief, not because of a girl. It is the same with me. I could have been with her, and I can read the Quran, but I couldn't change myself because I didn't belive it and the Bible makes more sense to me to follow, although with her, its the same on that side.
So...in the case of these 4 people (including myself) are rooted down and part of who we are. Now where does it go from here? No where.
Nothing moves and nothing will change. Why? Because its to our interpretation on what we want to believe and how we believe it. Should love be blocked by religion?
I don't believe it should be in the way at all. First I would have to recommend that each other should study and read each other's religion's sacred text, and come to understand how they are
what they believe, etc. If a smal adjustment should be made thats not drastic at all, I don't see why not. Love each other as much as you want to understand each other.
Love can be as or more powerful than religion. Sometimes, you forget all things and think about that particular person.
You care about each other and even while going out, you respect and learn about each other.
When it comes down to committment, such as marriage, they both have to be equal. Why?
It's a marriage between human beings, not of the bond between religion. The bond between religion is possible through understanding of each other and respecting.
In religious terms, will God care? Most likely not, because it brings happiness to each other and it wil bring more happiness to show that people of two different backgrounds can live together in harmony,
respect each other like they respect others, and be a good person to follow their own rules. Why should two people be punished for being in love? What is the crime there if nothing bad is done? Why should it be a crime when God Himself is love? He should be able to understand the love, bond, and respect that the couple has had together.
Only two couples (including the one being married) that are able to co-exist and love each other from different backgrounds and religions, why shouldn't they be able to live together?
The only factor I see, from what I saw from my situation and Joven's eyes, is the fear that is programmed and distilled on the girls who left us. They are filled with fear from the parents and what they have been told to others about God smiting them for being in love (probably).
In that case, it is not a God issue, it is a human made issue made up to strike fear into the girls who are only allowed to be with men of the same kind. Remember, men can marry outside the religion, but the women can't cause they are most powerful and thus, keep their power contained to only the men of the same kind.
Anyways,
I was depressed for losing her. And for Christmas, I told her I loved her, and gave her a farewell but after holding me, she began to cry and possibly understand now what was going on.
She didn't want to let go and laid with me and held me tight as she began to sob her eyes out and realize what was going on.
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| As to what had happened...
I had went out with a muslim girl from school. We met while in the computer labs and have talked since then. At first, I was skeptical about approaching her because
I had heard that she was under an arranged marriage from what she had told people. At first instinct, it was to stay away and don't bother because it would not be worth fighting
for a lost cause and didn't think of it much since then. Although we had talked here and there, we had begun to talk much more often than before. We first started talking online alot and decided to
just text each other whenever we wanted to have company. we exchanged numbers and then began texting. The texting lead to more texting than before. Texting then lead to phone calls. Short calls lead to long phone calls.
Phone calls that last for at least 3 hours minimum.
I had gone out with Mai and it had become like so. Mai suspected that there would always be something going on with that girl. She felt it was an unofficial competition and so did the other girl. Mai had kept me with her alot and
always won my heart. The other girl tried to win my attention because she had miss the kind of attention she never got before, plus the kind of bond we shared I believe. They eventually met each other and at one point, they said, "Hey! Your Mai! Chris told me about you!" and the other
would say, "Oh hey! Chris told me about you too." and thus, it was a classic about that situation about how a girl had my heart and the girl had my attention. Two girls except the other didn't consider it an official competition.
After Mai had left me for shoving things to my face, the next day, she came to me and comforted me, we then began to go out practically the day after Mai had left me.
The day that happened was very happy. Religious, traditional and cultural differences were set aside because we were happy. We couldn't care less of what others say because we were happy
and it was good.
We had seen each other in secret. At school, we pretended not to know each other and acted pretty good at doing it. No one could've suspected a thing.
At my place is where our meeting place was. She would come by, cuddle up and kiss, watch movies together, eat food, tell stories and share photos together. On my birthday, she came by with a cake and a smile. It was all good. We shared our thoughts on things, talked about our day, and helped each other out in school things.
The connection we had was very strong, even before we had gone out it was just strong.
A week before finals had come, she had told me she wanted to tell me something but after finals. The problem with this is that I am a very curious person and the fact that she wanted to say something consumed my mind and it is not nice to keep something from someone. So I practically had her tell me what is it that she was hiding.
She told me, with much reluctance, that her parents found her a guy and she HAS to marry him. She is not to have a choice or say in it, only that she has to marry who they pick.
The same day, she had talked to him and had asked her to give him loyalty and swear to be with him. Also he had told her that she has to lose her humor and joking personality (one of the main parts of her personality) and that she has to be serious and be obedient in what he asks. That is basically asking her to lose her rights as a human...IN AMERICA of all places.
So in complete anger I left her for being intelligent but not smart enough to understand in what she is getting herself into because she only saw the lil picture but I saw the bigger picture within the little picture, it was the fact she is only being used to submit to a guy that arrogant, that it is not love at all, and that it is only for her to be with the same kind of people and for her job is to bear a child of the same kind so the cycle continues. Thats all it is - for her to be with only the same kinds of people. The celebration of the marriage is just a celebration of the fact that shes only going to be with her kind and that she is going to keep the cycle going. She didn't see it like that until I told her which made her confused now.
I refused to give up because I cared so much to give up on someone so easily or without a fight. I cannot go down without doing something about it. I had to do it. I had to do somethin about it.
In it, I keep discussions going on about it. But it proved to be futile, like talking to a wall. There was just no way. She herself doesn't have a good reason for doing it. I provided tons of reasons, and hers was just not enough - just only a 'payback' for her parents paying for her school.
Even the example of a friend who is planning to get married, despite religious differences (one is catholic and the other is muslim), nothin worked.
My mother was just confused about it, why did it have to happen? Choosing someone who is probably gonna limit you vs someone who cares about you and lets you be who you want to be.
Melvin had went on a rant for a good hour about how it doesn't make sense and then went on a rant about the whole system. Amazing how much he knew about it all...
My godfather, who studied about it, had basically said its all based on fear, thats all it is. Fear and command to do what your told to do without questioning it.
Sad Ending indeed.
The End
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| It was the last day of physics and the test didn't have much concerned at all.
The fact she gave me her notes really helped the fact that the physics test was such a breeze. Without her, I couldn't have passed the test.
she might've broken my heart but least I have one thing to be thankful for in the end.
After that, I was talking to someone who I least suspected to talk to about deep relationships.
Although we talked about girls, we talked about the one I had trouble with and he was able to understand how I felt cause he was in a similar situation. Same situation, different ending though.
It mostly had to do with the religion and culture thing. He understood how I felt and was giving me some uplifting advice on trying to over come things like that. He was really trying and I felt better talking to him
because he understood. Not that I have anything wrong with my friend who he left, just the overall outcome which made it difficult for us to continue down the path with that particular person we had.
He said it will take alot of time, more time than any other type of girl cause of the circumstances mainly cause its just unfair.
Funny, how I went to the last person I would ever have a conversation with to cheer me up just a lil...
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| Fucking A.
Accidentally snapped my finger out of place in anger. >.< Had to snap it back in.
Didn't sleep well at all but least you're eyes are open to the undeniable truth - life is just darkness that surrounds you and gives you to embrace it. Damn, I dunno why I am shacking a bit in anger... I gotta stop it. | | |
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